Will you love me in December as you do in May?

Now, in the summer of life, sweetheart
You say you love but me
Gladly I give all my heart to you
Throbbing with ecstasy
But last night I saw, while a-dreaming
The future old and gray,
And I wondered if you’ll love me then, dear
Just as you do today?

Will you love me in December as you do in May?
Will you love me in the good old-fashioned way?
When my hair has all turned gray,
Will you kiss me then and say,
That you love me in December as you do in May?

You say the glow on my cheek, sweetheart
Is like the rose so sweet
But when the bloom of fair youth has flown
Then will our lips still meet?
When life’s setting sun fades away, dear,
And all is said and done,
Will your arms still entwine and caress me?
Will our hearts beat as one?

Will you love me in December as you do in May?
Will you love me in the good old-fashioned way?
When my hair has all turned gray,
Will you kiss me then and say,
That you love me in December as you do in May?

by former mayor of New York, James J Walker, in 1907

Are you in love or in lust? When it first happens, it’s easy to confuse the two. With both, you feel that you need the person you’re in love or in lust with, that your life would be complete with that other person. When the feeling is reciprocated, you stand taller, prouder, head held higher, smiling so all the world can see the joy in your heart.

When you’re first starting, the two, lust and love, are interchangeable. They both make you feel alive and give you that warm feeling deep inside. It doesn’t even have to be a physical attraction. You can fall in love or in lust with what the other person represents: success, power, intelligence, confidence, kindness, gentleness, ruthlessness and so on.

With lust, it is more likely to happen much quicker, like love at first sight. When you’re with the other person, you feel the attraction, the deep longing to be with that person, the quickening of your heart, the sweaty palms, the light headiness. When you’re apart, you start to fantasize about that person. You create a whole new world and new events between the two of you. You create your own vision of that person, one that makes the other person greater than they really are.

You’ll get the same feelings with love, but it usually takes longer. As you get to know the person over time, you start learning new things about them, noticing things you didn’t see before. Over time, you begin looking at that person differently. You begin thinking about that person more and more each day as time goes on. Rather than fantasize about imaginary encounters between you two, you visualize things the other person did which caught your attention. You remember things the other person said or did which made them unique.

When you’re in love, you get the same deep longings, light headiness, quickening of the heart, but these occur when you’re away from the other person. When you’re together, you feel as though you can walk on water, you’re head is in the clouds. You begin to see the other person as who they really are, which only increases the attraction.

This is love or lust in May.

Over time, with lust, these feelings begin to fade away. You no longer get these feelings in August. Most never make it together till December, having gone their separate ways long before. Those who do last, no longer look at each other the same way, choosing to stay together out of necessity. With lust, others with the same qualities which attracted you earlier, begin to attract you. Your eyes and heart begin to wonder, looking for someone with the same qualities which you lust for. You will stay with the same person only as long as they have the qualities which attracted you; beauty, power, success, confidence and so on. When these start to disappear, or someone comes along with more of these qualities, the distancing begins.

With love, these feelings never fade away. They may weaken now and then, but come back just as strong as before. With love, the qualities which attracted you to the other person get more refined. They way the other person speaks, the things they say, the way they look at you with that glint in their eyes. These things grow stronger over time.

When December rolls around, the couple that fell in love can still be seem holding hands, almost every time they’re together. They can still be seen flirting with each other, to the point that it makes others jealous.  They can complete each others sentences, or sit together for hours at a time without saying a single word. Most importantly of all, they would each make sacrifices to ensure the others happiness. Each would gladly give up something dear to their heart to make the other happy, in May and in December.

When both are in love, nothing can break that bond, not in May and especially not in December.

These words are lyrics from a song originally recorded by the Elysian Singers in 1907.  Itunes seems to have the most variations of this song.

http://ax.search.itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZSearch.woa/wa/search?entity=song&media=all&page=1&restrict=false&startIndex=0&term=will+you+love+me+in+december

The one I liked best is by Bob Hope:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/will-you-love-me-in-december/id542308716?i=542308843

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Words to live by, a moral compass

“The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness;
to an opponent, tolerance;
to a friend, your heart;
to your child, a good example;
to a father, deference;
to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you;
to yourself, respect;
to all men, charity.” Francis Maitland Balfour.

This really needs no interpretation or definition. This is a code of ethics, a moral compass to live your life by. Live your life by these words, and you will be one of the fortunate who can say they live a contented and happy life.

Live by these words, and you will be known as a person with a forgiving nature. A person who is fair and open minded when competing. Who will sacrifice his or her life for a friend. A person admired, looked up to and whose footsteps are followed by his or her children.

You will be known as the person who revered your mother and father, and made them both proud. A person who is content, happy and generous.

Above all else, you will be a person known for being an inspiration to others.

If you believe in yourself, never give up

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Thomas Edison.

The problem with most of us is that we give up too easily. We make a full effort at something and when it doesn’t work, we move onto something else. Persistence is wanting something so much that you continue trying to reach your goal, no matter how many times you fail.

Most of us make two mistakes in trying to achieve some of our goals. The first is that we give up too easily. After one or two failed attempts, we simply give up, either to find an easier goal, or just stop altogether. The second mistake is that when we do make several attempts, we do them exactly the same way each time, so that the effort is guaranteed to fail.

When Thomas Edison tried to perfect the light bulb, he never wavered from his goal. Each time he made another attempt, he made changes in how he was doing it, knowing that the previous effort failed, and would fail again if he tried the same exact thing.

There’s a 69 year old woman in Korea who failed the drivers written test 959 times, before finally passing it on the 960th try. The woman was illiterate, and spent over an hour on buses to get to the testing site, but she was determined. Each time she took the test, her score kept getting higher. Each time she failed, she would study harder, trying to memorize and understand the questions. Hanging up on a wall where she lives, is a hand written sign that reads “Never give up”

Set an achievable goal for yourself. Then pursue that goal with all your passion, until you achieve it. If you fail, change your approach, try something different. With persistence and determination, you’ll achieve your goal, even if you have to try 10,000 times.

Sometimes we’re all insane, especially with relationships

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.” Albert Einstein.

How many times have you tried doing something over and over again before realizing you’re going to keep getting the same result unless you make some type of change? How many of you have gone out with the wrong type of person, only to do the same thing again when that relationship doesn’t work out? How many of you have had a failed venture over and over again before you finally realized that you keep making the same mistake?

All of us at one point or another fall under this insanity definition. We do something over and over again without even realizing it. Sometimes we know this but are unable to change. We know a certain type of personality is no good for us, and that a relationship with that type of person won’t last, yet we continue searching for those types of people.

In some of these occasions, we do the same thing over and over again because it excites us. We know going out with the wrong type of person will end in failure. We do it over and over because that relationship gives us an adrenaline rush. In other occasions, we do the same thing over and over again because we haven’t taken the time to reflect on why things didn’t work.

If you think about it, we really are acting in an insane manner when we do these things over and over again without making the slightest change. In the back of our mind, we know we just did the exact same thing, but think that somehow, this time it will end differently. Yet, we’re equally surprised when things end in exactly the same manner.

This is the behavior of someone who is insane, but is it all bad? It doesn’t mean we’re insane. It just means this one action, which we keep doing over and over again, displays  symptoms of insanity. If we’re doing it because of the rush it gives us, then it’s okay.

If we’re doing it because we haven’t thought through our actions properly, then we need to stop and reflect. Are we doing exactly the same thing as before? Why do we think we’ll get a different result this time? Doing the same thing twice, to make sure it wasn’t a fluke is fine, however, we shouldn’t do the same action more than twice without at least making a slight change, especially if we’re looking for a different outcome.

 

 

Those who always put down others are failures who don’t matter

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Bernard M. Baruch.

From time to time, someone comes along and puts down whatever it is we’re doing at that moment. For some, that put down is a major blow to confidence and to ego. They criticize whatever it is others are doing, without even trying to understand it.

Many people go through life by putting down others, by making a major deal out of everything. Those are the types of people who are unable to accomplish anything on their own, so they try to make themselves feel better by trying to make sure no one else is successful.

They take offense to everything. They berate other peoples work. They take pleasure in making others suffer, in making others give up before they’ve even had a chance. Those types of people will never succeed. The most they can hope for is to stop others from succeeding.

The people who have a good heart, the ones who want to see others succeed, are the only people who’s opinion should matter. Those are people who have confidence in their own abilities. Those types of people don’t mind helping others succeed. They don’t look for the negatives, but rather for any positive which can be used to build on.

People who matter don’t see a badly written story, or a poorly sung song, or a poorly drawn painting. They see potential. They see what could be. The people who matter are the ones who see the bright spots, the little glimmers of talent. While those who don’t matter will see a little bud on a plant, the ones who matter see what will be: a beautiful rose.

Don’t pay attention to people who put you or your work down. They put everything down and do not matter, no one pays them any mind and neither should you. What’s important is to have confidence in your own abilities, confidence that you have talent and that your work has potential. Seek out those who are confident in their own abilities, because those are the ones who matter. The ones who matter will not mind someone else becoming successful, in fact, they will help anyone they see with potential, who has confidence in their own abilities.

Live like it’s heaven on Earth

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” William W. Purkey

We do things differently, without inhibitions, when fear isn’t present. This can be a fear of thinking we may look dumb or incompetent or a fear of getting hurt. This is why when we’re alone, when nobody is watching, we lose our inhibitions, our fears and let ourselves go. We become totally immersed into the music and dance or sing as though we’ve been doing it our entire life.

With love, when we get hurt the first time, or see someone close to us get hurt, we put up a barrier and block everyone out. We protect ourselves from getting hurt by not allowing others to get to know and love us, or love them in return.

To live like it’s heaven on Earth is to live life to its fullest. It is enjoying every waking moment, doing things you love and not being afraid to try anything. It means to lose your inhibitions, your fear, and to truly live as though the world was going to end tomorrow.

Too many people try to live a safe and cautious life. They go through life afraid to try new things, or anything which may be fun for fear of ridicule, or just plain fear.

You have learn to release your inhibitions and your fears. Why bother living if you’re too scared to live? To find your ideal love, you’ll need to take a chance that you may get hurt. Once you start truly living without fear and inhibitions, the sky will become bluer, the stars will shine brighter and you’ll find love where you never expected it.

It will start to feel like it’s heaven on Earth.

The signs of a true friendship

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” Muhammad Ali.

It is difficult to describe what a friendship is. All of us think we have friends, but most aren’t really true friendships. Some are friends due to environment, such as co-workers, neighbors or acquaintances. Others are bonds of convenience: two people who stick together only as long as one can help the other. While it may be difficult to explain what a true friend is, there are signs to spot the existence of that special bond between two people or when it isn’t a true friendship.

The test of time coupled with change. Two people who’ve been friends for decades may still not be true best friends. If nothing has changed between you, if you’ve been working together in the same place, living in the same neighborhood, then chances are you are friends due to environment. When change is added, when one of you moves away and the daily interaction is no longer there, does that friendship maintain it’s grip on the two of you? Do you miss each other, yearn to be together and speak together constantly? When you are no longer are forced to face each other at work or in the neighborhood, does the friendship remain constant? If it does, then that is a sign that it may be a true friendship.

The test of importance. Can you call that person at 3:00 in the morning because you can’t sleep and need someone to talk to? Does the other person answer, or call you back within a few minutes? Does the other person yell at you, saying to call back at a more convenient hour? Two people who can call each other anytime of the day, any day of the year, regardless of what the person being called is doing, can potentially be best friends.

The test of intimate knowledge. Do you two know each other intimately. Are you so comfortable together that you can tell the other what is in your heart, what aches and joys you have? Can you tell each other what bothers your conscience? Can the other keep everything a secret, even from their lover or spouse?

The test of behavior. This test may carry more weight than the others, since this is where many friendships end. Can the two of you remain friends as you change with age and situation? If one of you becomes the type of person the other dislikes, do you remain friends? If one becomes heartless and mean while the other becomes an angel, do you remain friends without trying to change each other? Do you accept each other as you are, with any flaws picked up over the course of time, without rendering judgment?

The test of endurance. A friendship that can end was never a friendship to begin with. A true friendship will never end. It is both the ending of the friendship and the causes for it ending which highlight why it was never a real friendship. A true friend will never sleep with your spouse or lover. A true friend will never try to take the person you’re in love with. A true friend will never lie to you. A true friend will never stab you in the back or throw you under the bus. Any of the reasons that would cause of friendship to end would never happen between true friends. A friendship that ends for these or other reasons was never a friendship to begin with.

The test of equality. Can you walk side by side regardless of standing in the community or economic condition. One may be rich while the other poor and it wouldn’t matter one bit. You can walk together side by side, sit at the same tables, go to the same parties, without caring what others think or say. To you, the only thing that matters is catching up on what’s going on in the others life, or just being together for a little while, enjoying the others company.

The test of patience. A friend will stay by your side when you make mistakes. They will not judge you or look down on you. They will be there to help you grow and learn. They will help you recover, if that is what you chose to do. They will not abandon you if you marry the wrong person. They will not abandon you when you steal a spouse or lover and break up a happy home. They will not abandon you when you commit a grave injustice. They will not push you when you don’t feel like sharing. They will not render judgement but rather will share your pain with a shoulder to lean on or a warm and tender hand to hold. They will be there for you no matter what happens, as will you for them.

The test of honesty. Are you honest with each other? Can you be blatantly honest, when others lie out of politeness, do you tell the other what they really need to hear. When they ask ‘do these jeans make me look fat?’, do you answer honestly? When that dress looks horrible, do you tell the truth? Can you tell the other the flaws in who they picked, them accept it without further negative comments?

Where have freedom, liberty and justice gone?

“Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”
John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

Those words, spoken by President Kennedy during his inaugural address, resonated with the entire country. Those words told the world what freedom truly means: being able to chose what it is you want to do for your nation. Rather than the dictates of the state telling people what to do, it is the people stepping forward. It is the people asking what can we do for our great nation, that gave us our liberty, to ensure the continued liberty of our children.

Today is a special day. It is a day to celebrate something fought for and won a long time ago in the United States and currently being fought for, halfway across the world, in other countries. Today is a day to celebrate freedom. All of us get together with friends and family and celebrate our nation and our freedom. But we have lost sight of what freedom really means. President Theodore Roosevelt once said “Americanism means the virtues of courage, honor, justice, truth, sincerity, and hardihood-the virtues that made America. The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living and the get-rich-quick theory of life.”

As a nation and a people, we still have courage and honor. This is evident everywhere, in the people who willingly join the armed forces, those who go overseas to fight for our liberty and safety, those who go out to vote, or to demonstrate for what they believe in.

What we’ve lost are justice, truth and sincerity; the other virtues which made America great. Justice is no longer applied equally to all. Truth and sincerity from our elected leaders is a long forgotten memory, a thing of the past. It is not even evident any longer in the institutes whose purpose it is to expose untruths and insincerity: our news organizations. News organizations have taken to blackmail to silence dissent and report  only on what benefits them. We’ve become a nation of prosperity at any price, peace at any price and safety rather than duty first. We’ve made soft living into an art, even glorifying it on television through a multitude of reality shows. Get rich quickly is no longer a theory but a perfected strategy, which anyone can buy on late night television. Get rich quickly is the norm for our elected officials, sports figures, entertainers and business heads, who use it as a way to gauge success.

We have forgotten the words of Benjamin Franklin, that freedom at any price is not freedom at all: “Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.”

All of us take liberty and freedom for granted because it hasn’t been taken away from us, yet. On the other side of the world people are fighting for freedom, to be free from those who claim what they are doing is for the good of the country.  While they fight for freedom over there, here we are losing some of our alienable rights to people claiming what they are doing is for the good of the country. No one is doing what is good for the individual, or for our children. Few people can afford to retire. Most have to continue working to ensure the survival of the job creators, and to put food on the table.

Freedom is a chance to be better, a chance for your kids to have a better life than you did. Freedom is not making sacrifices so the leaders can make us feel safe.  Abraham Lincoln said it best when he said that democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people. We have strayed far from those principles. Our motto is now “democracy and safety at any price and the safety of the job creators: the corporations”

To achieve those new ideals, we have become a nation of laws and regulations. Laws that are badly written and randomly enforced. Certain citizens who break the laws are given harsh sentences while others are forgiven for making a small mistake. A place where corporations can do no wrong, can never do anything illegal, but make mistakes from time to time and pay small fines to show they’ve learned their lesson.

Benjamin Franklin once said “Where liberty dwells, there is my country.” Does anyone know where liberty dwells these days, or where it will dwell in the days to come?

Be yourself, Find yourself and the lies behind them

Be yourself, Find yourself, Know yourself …

Quotes relating to ‘self’ are among those which get used for the wrong reasons. They get used by some as a cover to hide their true intentions. They get used by others to sidestep reality, to avoid taking responsibility for themselves, those around them and their actions.

When someone says “I need a little time or space to find myself”, what they’re really saying is they want to see if they can do better than you. If they find someone better, they won’t find their way back to you. If they don’t find anyone else who’ll believe their lies, you will find them knocking, saying “we belong together…”. The wise thing to do is to give them more time, like the rest of their life, to find their self by keeping the door locked.

When they say ‘I must be true to myself” or “This is who I am, accept me or leave me”, it means they are not willing to change for you. They don’t love you enough to compromise or make any sacrifices for you. The wise move here is to leave them, to let them be ‘who they are’ in the streets, where they’ll find plenty of others unwilling to change.

Those who say to their partner that they need space to find themselves are liars. What they are really saying is they think they can do better than you. Those who must be true to themselves don’t love you enough to compromise, or they love themselves more. In a burning house, they would be the first ones to leave, yelling at others to go save those left inside.

Who we are is not the end all. Sometimes we need to change to achieve the goals we’ve set for ourselves. If you haven’t set goals for yourself, don’t even try finding yourself, you’ll be looking forever. Finding who we are means we’re willing to learn as much as possible, to explore different things, and changing as the world around us evolves. Being stubborn, unwilling to change, means we’re not willing to learn, to grow. Also keep in mind, that not everyone needs to ‘find who they are’. There are many people who don’t ‘find their self’, yet live very contented lives. In the words of Napoleon, ‘it is sometimes better to abandon one’s self to destiny’.

And finally, for those who must be true to themselves, who are unwilling to share, change or compromise, there is always business school and life as an executive, as George Bernard Shaw so aptly pointed out: “Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective power but that of self interest backed by force.”