When others make you angry, they own you!

“He who angers you conquers you.” Elizabeth Kenny

When you let someone make you angry, you’re letting them take control over you. You’re giving them absolute power over you. You become like Pavlov’s dog. They know what to say to make you angry, and can do it on demand.

Have you ever seen a successful person angry? It is very rare. It is extremely difficult to become successful if you go around letting others control and manipulate you, which is what happens when you let them make you angry.

Anger causes the brain to stop functioning normally. Your brain becomes focused on the anger, nothing else matters to you, except to get back at the person who made you angry.

Want to know how to stop letting people manipulate and control you? Don’t get angry. If you can’t help yourself, if anger is part of your life, go see a therapist. Go to an anger management session. Do whatever you have to in order to manage your anger.

When you get angry, you let others have the advantage over you. Even if you beat them to a bloody pulp, their wounds will heal, but you may end up losing your job, in jail or with a very expensive lawsuit. In the end, they will come out ahead. The satisfaction of physically assaulting them goes away very quickly when they smile at you the next time you see them, knowing they were the reason you were fired or went to jail.

If you’re in an office environment and get angry, that’s even worse. It means the end of your chances for advancement. Some people looking to get ahead will do anything to eliminate their competition. If you are their competition, and they know they can make you angry, they will chose a moment when senior managers are watching to make you angry.

Rather than get angry, get smart. Use their strategy against them. Count to ten if you have to, but rather than responding with an angry remark, wait, calm down, then respond with a well thought out response.

Never, ever, write a letter, memo, email, facebook update or tweet when you’re angry. Wait until you’re calm, and then write it. When done writing, don’t send it right away. Wait a little longer, then go back and read it. In the end, you may find the need to send it will go away, or that the message needs to be toned down a little more.

When you can control your anger, you regain full control over yourself. Respond to anger with kindness and you’ll gain the upper hand over someone else.

If you want to succeed in life, manage your anger. If the part of your brain which controls anger and reasoning is missing, all is not lost. Take up fighting.

 

What a guilty conscience will do to you.

“There is no witness so dreadful, no accuser so terrible as the conscience that dwells in the heart of every man.” Polybius

My conscience bothers me all the time. I can’t sleep at night, it keeps me awake. I can’t function during the day. I drink coffee non stop so that I don’t pass out from exhaustion at work.

Yesterday on the drive home from work, I almost killed a man. He was walking along the side of the road, just minding his own business. I knew I was too tired to drive, that I should pull over and take a nap. I also knew that no matter how hard I tried, sleep would never come. The smooth hum of the road, coupled with not sleeping in four days, caused me to black out. The rough gravel shoulder, violently shaking the car, woke me up.

When I opened my eyes, the car was going fifty miles an hour on the shoulder of the road, heading directly towards the walking man. The car was twenty feet away from the man, oblivious to what’s happening behind him. Without thinking, acting on reflexes only, I veered left, bringing the car back onto the road. The car missed the man by inches. If I had woken up one second later, that man would be dead. It scared me so much that I could feel my heart beating within my chest.

I don’t know how long I could go on like this. All I want is to lay down and sleep. Nothing else would make me happier. To be able to close my eyes, and to drift off.

Before I did it, before I committed that act, in my mind it was a logical act. I needed the money more than he did. No one would miss him. No one would miss any of the money. He was an evil person, who deserved what happened to him.

So why does my conscience bother me now that the deed is done? Why was it logical before, and so horrible now? All I can see when I close my eyes is that look on his face. That surprised look you get when someone you trust does something you would never expect.

All I see is that surprised look, while his last words keep playing over and over again in my head: ‘Why. Why. Why.”

Why is this happening to me? I don’t believe in God or the Devil, heaven or hell. I’m not a church going person. My conscience never bothered me before. I had always prided myself on not having a conscience.

I have to do something. I noticed the gun display in the sporting goods store the other day, and came very close to going inside. Is that what it will come to? Will that be the only way I can get some peace?

Life is what you make of it, fight for it

“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.” Mother Teresa

There is nothing which happens in life that we can’t deal with if we chose to. There is no obstacle or disability which may confront us which we can’t overcome. Many others before us have faced each of these challenges and have overcome them.

If we aren’t able to overcome an obstacle, the fault lies within us. We have given up the fight.

“But look at them” you say, “they have been given everything”. Jealousy is a disease which eats at you from the inside. Don’t concern yourself with what others have. They may have been born with a silver spoon, but because of that silver spoon, they will face other challenges which they will think are impossible to overcome.

“But look at how easy that comes to him. If I was born with those skills, I’d be happy” People are not born with special skills. They develop their talent over time. They spend hour upon hour working on and developing that talent, to the point where they make it look easy. You can do this with anything. Practice and train hard enough and you can make anything look easy. Look at the athletes in the Olympics. They make it look easy. When you’re still sleeping in the morning, they are practicing. When you go to sleep at night, they are practicing. When you relax on the weekend, they are still practicing. No one is born an Olympian. An Olympian is made by hour upon hour of hard work.

“But I have nothing but bad luck, no matter what I do” No one is born lucky or unlucky. Things happen because of your attitude and your belief in yourself. If you continue thinking you have bad luck, you will. If you start thinking that you control your destiny, and not lady luck, things will begin going your way.

“I have no one to help me, I can’t do this on my own” All you have to do is ask, but ask the right person. Look for the right person. When you find that person, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You might be shocked by the response. Many people want to help others. It gives them a sense of accomplishment. Many get back much more in return than what they give of themselves by helping others. You will never find that person being locked up inside. Go to your library, school, place of worship, community group, volunteer groups, special interest groups. There is no end to where you can go to find help. You can also help someone else, and they in turn may help you.

The bottom line is that no matter what life throws at you, never give up or stop fighting. With a strong will, you can accomplish the seemingly impossible. Work at it hard enough, and you’ll be able to make living look so simple that others will think you were born that way!

Once you do that, you’ll begin appreciating what life has given you, the beauty of life.

 

My prediction for the remainder of this year

“We may pretend we are basically moral people who make mistakes, but the whole of history proves otherwise.” Terry Hands

There are very few rich and powerful people in the world who are also moral. There are almost none in positions of power, such as elected officials, high government officials, senior executives, or any who think they are in a position of power, who have any morals.

I can predict what will happen for the remainder of this year, not because I think I’m a psychic, but because I’m a pretty good judge of human nature, and read the history books.

Gasoline prices will continue to rise, until the average price of regular reaches over four dollars a gallon, sometime before the election. Neither the oil nor the financial services  industries like President Obama. As a result, they will work to manipulate prices, hoping the high prices will turn voters against him.

More people will go into foreclosure and bankruptcy, especially the lower middle class, who have to commute the furthest to work. The high cost of gasoline, combined with many other things, such as the drought over the summer, the use of food for ethanol, and greed, will cause food prices to keep climbing. This will drive more lower middle class families into poverty.

Companies, whose only concern is profits, will eliminate more jobs as revenues decrease.  By election time, a lot more people will be fed up with President Obama. As a result, Mitt Romney will win the election.

Sometime after the election, the economy will take a nosedive. With less and less people able to afford to buy anything, companies and government agencies will continue laying off workers. Gasoline prices will drop a little, but not much. Once they taste money, oil company executives hate to give it back.

 

All those people predicting the 2012 doomsday have it half right. Except it will be an economic doomsday, not a literal one.

As has been repeated so often in history, when the wealthy and powerful become out of touch with reality and become consumed with greed, so it will happen again. To see what happens next, just look at the history books. Look at what happens to each nation when the rich and powerful have no morals, when they blame the poor for their own poverty, as they sit counting, safeguarding and growing their fortunes.

Impartial news reporting with integrity: not at the NY Times

“Nature never deceives us; it is always we who deceive ourselves.” Jean-Jacques Rousseau

The New York Times used to be my favorite source to get reliable local, national and world news. That changed a few days ago after I finished reading an article about one of the two men running for president.

The article started out okay, but as I reached the mid section, I began questioning the accuracy of the information, as some of it was the opposite of what I had always heard and believed through personal experience. I began to question what I had always thought, maybe I was wrong all along. That’s how much faith I had put into the NY Times. That’s how much integrity I put into their reporting, feeling that this was one news organization that wouldn’t try to deceive the public.

Upon finishing the article, I had a nagging feeling that something wasn’t right with the article. This particular article had comments, something very rare for the NY Times. I began reading the comments, and found that almost everyone commenting had the same message: the article was completely inaccurate.

This wasn’t just a minor mistake here and there. The entire article, from the title itself to the information cited, were all false and misleading.

Looking to add my two cents, I found the editors had very quickly stopped accepting any more comments.

There is nothing wrong with supporting one candidate over the other, even for a news organization. There is enough material from both sides to present a good argument for your choice. Twisting the truth doesn’t just affect the author of the article, but affects the integrity of the entire news paper.

Now I understand why the NY Times doesn’t accept comments on many of their articles: the truth begins to come out.

It’s unfortunate because now, I have nowhere else to go to get unbiased, accurate news reporting. The news on television lost its integrity a long time ago. Some print and television outlets never had any to begin with.

Are we now forced to get impartial news from the social media, from places like twitter, where it’s reported realtime, as it happens, by people seeing it unfold? Are we reduced to watching a video of the event on Youtube, that is until one of the media outlets gets it removed?

The problem with losing your integrity is that it is very difficult to get it back. For the NY Times, they lost more than one long time reader. They’ve lost their reputation.

For those of you interested, here’s the article:

Romney Says He Paid at Least 13% in Income Taxes

My life sucks!

“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”  John Gardner

Recent conversation:
“Why do you drink”
“Because sometimes my life sucks and it makes me feel good”
“Why does it suck?”
“Because Dave ruined our plans”

When you say your life sucks, you’re giving in to self pity. You’re finding temporary pleasure in the belief that your predicament is the fault of someone else.

When you take a drink or get high because it makes you feel good and lets you forget for a little while how badly your life sucks, you’re wallowing in self pity.

Self pity is a destructive and addictive euphoria. It’s so easy to let self pity engulf every last bit of hurt within you until you feel nothing but pleasure.  Sometimes drinking or getting high helps bring on these feelings even quicker.

When you wallow in self pity, you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that you’re unhappy with your life as it is, and that there’s nothing you can do to change it.

But self pity feels so good. It let’s you put all of the blame for what ails you onto others. At the beginning there may even be someone else with you, with the same feelings of defeat.  Getting high off of each others self pity is like a cocaine high.

The most destructive aspect of self pity is that your thought processes stop cold. You’re incapable of looking for solutions to the reasons why your life sucks. In your mind, the fault lies with those around you, so there is no solution.

Thinking back on why your life sucks, if the answers begin with ‘he’ or ‘she’, you’ve found the source of your problem. You’re letting others control your life. You should NEVER EVER let someone else control your destiny. If something someone else is doing is having a negative affect on your life, on your dreams or your happiness, that’s your fault. You control your own life, and if what they’re doing is having a negative impact on you, it’s up to you to find a solution.

“But my life would have been perfect if he only did this one thing.” You have to accept the fact that throughout your entire life, others will do things that ruin your plans. You can either wallow in self pity your entire life, or accept the fact that these things will happen. Once you accept that fact, you can begin looking for solutions, for ways to make your life perfect even if he didn’t do that one thing.

You control your destiny. You can make of your life whatever you set your mind to. If someone stands in your way, get that person out of the picture. Don’t dwell on it, but act and act quickly. When you blame someone else, you’re saying that they are in control of your life and that you’re helpless to do anything about it. You are accepting defeat.

As long as you have a mind which you can control, your abilities are limitless. Your mind can work miracles. When faced with problems, your thoughts should include ‘I’ or ‘Me’.  What can I do to fix this? It is up to me to fix things.

Wallowing in self pity is a copout. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your butt and do something to make your life better. This may come as a surprise, but no one else is going to feel sorry for you, or do things to make your life better. In fact, quite the opposite, most people will try to make sure your fail, so they can feel better about their own failures.

Stop blaming others for your failures. That’s another copout. It’s easy to say you failed because of someone else. The truth of the matter is that you failed because of your own inaction. Don’t put yourself in a position to be controlled by what someone else does or doesn’t do. If they don’t do what they are supposed to, move on, don’t wait forever. They will do what’s best for them, not what’s best for you. If you want to be happy, take control of your life and your environment.

Get off of your butt and do something! You’ll get an even better high when you succeed!

Simple wedding was a huge hit!

“Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.”
Lao-Tzu

Everyone overlooks the fact that simple or plain does not mean cheap, wanting or boring.

My son was married on Saturday, Aug 11th. The wedding was held at an enormous barn in Pennsylvania, about 3 hours from New York City. Over the course of several months last year, they visited dozens of wedding halls. Many were extremely lavish buildings, with marvelous architecture, dance halls, reception rooms and entryways. As they looked at the pictures of the many weddings held in these halls, they noticed that they all looked almost exactly alike.

As they continued their search, they came across a barn in Dallas, PA, situated on a large spread of land. No fancy architecture, not fancy entryway, just a simple wooden barn, with the original wood on the floor and walls. The building couldn’t get any simpler.

When we heard they chose to hold the wedding in a barn, which had no air conditioning, we put on a smile, but wondered to ourselves what were they thinking.

Just about everyone who heard the wedding was taking place in a simple barn had the same thought: this was going to be a disaster.

This simple wedding turned out to be the best wedding I’ve been to. Almost everyone else attending said the same thing: the best time they’ve had at any wedding. They were all blown away with how amazing the inside of the barn looked, with the white table linens and lighting giving the wide open space a nice warm glow, a hallmark moment look. The constant flow of food, drink and camaraderie took care of everything else. The meadow, with half a dozen horses grazing, was just icing on the cake.

There were dozens of tables spread out in the barn, with a dance floor in the middle. Through a door on the side was a balcony, setup with a bar for drinks, overlooking the meadow.

After the wedding ceremony, held under a giant oak tree in the middle of the meadow, everyone headed to the barn and balcony for the cocktail hour. Waiters and waitresses walked around handing out hors d’oeuvres while two bartenders serviced the bar on the balcony.

Everyone had to be called to their tables for the introductions. In fact, the biggest problem at the wedding was getting everyone to take their seats for special moments. Almost all of the tables were empty throughout the entire event. Everyone was too busy having a good time, either on the dance floor, socializing with others on the balcony or other areas of the barn, or visiting the horses outside. Nobody wanted to night to end, and aside from a few guests who had a long drive home and left six hours after the wedding started, everyone else was there to the very end. A bus and van shuttled quests between the hotel, about 20 minutes away, and the barn. Their arrival at 11:00 signaled the end of the reception.

The wedding was not held in an extravagant setting. The wedding was simple, not complicated. There was no strict guideline for how guests should behave, or when things were to be done. The day was for the bride and groom and their guests. They chose when things should be happen. The wedding planner was calm and collected, like a conductor leading a team of professionals: things happened automatically. Keeping the event simple made it seem unplanned; things just seemed to automatically happen.

You can’t get any plainer or simpler than a barn, yet the night was better than most weddings held in complicated and extravagant settings. The bride and groom knew this wasn’t just their night; it was their friends and families night. Friends and family knew this was the most important day for the bride and groom. This lack of selfishness made the event a bigger success: everyone got more than they expected. Friends and family had the best night of celebrating, and the bride and groom had a night they’ll never forget.

Plain, simple, unselfish and few desires: put all together, magic happens.

 

 

 

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” Albert Einstein

How you perform as you approach adulthood is directly the result of how you are raised, from the moment you are conceived. If your brain is stimulated as an infant, as a child, you will be more intelligent as an adult.

When you read fairy tales to your children, you are stimulating their brains. You are interacting with their minds, making them think and dream wonderful thoughts. The more you read to them, the harder their brains will work, as they think about those wonderful characters that have suddenly became part of their life.

It isn’t the words themselves which make the children more intelligent, but what those words do to a child’s brain, a brain that is still developing. Read fairy tales to them and you will stimulate their brain. Read to them a lot more and you will stimulate and their brain and their imagination even more, making them even more intelligent.

Not reading to children doesn’t make them any dumber. It just lets them develop as average kids. If you want average children, then don’t read to them. They will develop as average adults with no imagination.

The same thing happens to children who are shown plenty of love from the day they are conceived. You stimulate the part of the brain which controls emotions. As you hug, kiss and cuddle a child, you stimulate their senses and brain tenfold.

When you do both, read many fairy tales, and show plenty of love, your children will grow up to be extremely intelligent, caring, nurturing, praiseworthy and happy adults.

The best time to start doing all this is not when they can understand what you say, but when you know you will have a child in nine months. It is never too early to begin teaching your child the values which you hold dear, and to make sure they are more intelligent and  caring than anyone else.

So if you ask yourself why your grown children got average grades in school and landed average paying jobs, think back on what you did when they were little babies. How many fairy tales did you read to them back then?

Feeling down? Let the magic found in a child lift you.

“Look at the children around you and you will find the magic curtain, magic indeed in this respect, that instead of dropping slowly down before your wondering eyes, it is growing up, unfolding and expanding some new beauty or exposing some well-remembered fault. What pleasure to note the many wonders of this all-revealing scene! What innocence in the sweet child face, what purity in the clear child eyes!” Nellie V. Anderson

Children are our future. How anyone can not look at a child and be moved is beyond comprehension. When you look at a happy, excitable child you see magic in their eyes. Too see real beauty, gaze into the face of an innocent child. Children still have that single quality which seems to evade many adults: the belief that anything is possible.

Look into the eyes of your own child. How can you not be moved? Gaze into their eyes and you’ll catch the glimmers of innocence, which seem to think that anything is possible.

Look at your children as they sleep. Do you not see yourself? Do you not see potential? Do you not see yourself starting over?

Watch your children as they play. Are you not transported back to an earlier time when you were as carefree and happy? For a few fleeting  moments, don’t all of the worlds problems magically disappear?

Hug your child and feel the magic that passes between the two of you. Close your eyes and feel their love filled arms embracing you with all their might. Can’t you see the future? Isn’t it a view of yourself twenty or thirty years from now, happy and content?

Gaze into their eyes while they’re still holding you and you’ll see what true love really is.

Now take all of those feelings and remember them any time your feeling down, or that the weight of the world is too much to bear. A child is your miracle contribution to humanity. When you reflect on the feelings a child inspires within you, there is nothing you won’t do to ensure that child gets every opportunity that you missed out on.

If you don’t have a child of your own, you are missing out on one of the greatest miracles on Earth. It doesn’t matter if it is not your biological child. It doesn’t matter if the child is adopted, a grandchild, or your best friends. What matters most is how that child is loved and raised in order for the magic to show.

To dream the impossible dream

“To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
Sunset on Mars

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far”

“The Impossible Dream (The Quest)”: from
Man of La Mancha lyrics by Joe Darion.

If all that was needed to succeed was an education, we’d all be billionaires. Unfortunately, what’s needed is much more than what you can get from a classroom. The classroom will help you make ends meet, but if you want to be a hero, to become great, them you need much more.

You need to be able to dream, to dream of something which outwardly seems impossible, or extremely difficult to attain. You need to be prepared to fight whatever stands in your way, no matter how many others before you faced it and failed. You must be ready to go into areas where others are afraid to go into. To be willing to face the unknown.

You have to set a high enough goal for yourself, then go after it no matter how difficult it becomes, or how tired you get.

You have to look others in the eye and proclaim loudly that this is your dream. This is what you will accomplish before you die. You have to believe in your heart that you will pursue this quest no matter where it leads you,no matter how hopeless it seems, no matter how far you must go, and no matter who stands in your way. You have to know in your heart that you will attain this goal.

This is what separates the strong from the weak, the determined from the hesitant.