Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, pissing and pooping on others, and some days you’re the statue, getting pissed and pooped on by others.
Sometimes, needing someone is like needing a parachute.
If they aren’t there the first time you need them,
chances are you won’t need them again.
People in glass houses should always wear clothes.
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Never clean your room while your plane ticket is in it.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Be careful whose toes you step on today, they might be attached to the behind you have to kiss tomorrow.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never argue with an idiot: They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Never put your finger where you wouldn’t put your nose.
He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those that got there first.
Intelligence is like underwear, everyone should have it, but we shouldn’t show it off.
When someone points skyward, it’s the fool that looks at the finger.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the behind.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
An agreeable person is someone who agrees with you.
The wonder of a single snowflake outweighs the wisdom of a million meteorologists.
We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You always find something in the last place you look.
Live such that when you die, even the undertaker will be sorry.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Think twice before you speak, especially if you intend to say what you think.
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.
It is best not to swap horses while crossing the river.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use a net and he won’t bother you for weeks.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
Wise men make proverbs but fools repeat them.