Parents are responsible for how their children turn out

“Blame or credit, does not belong to the child alone. Parents, those who raised the child, must be given equal credit, or blame. That does not change, when the child is one, twenty or ninety years old.” Omar Kiam

How a person develops as an adult is directly tied to how that person is raised. It is not enough to simply give birth, feed and clothe a child. What a parent does and says have a direct impact on how a child develops, just as much as what is not said or done.

Studies have shown that children who are not held and shown love within the first two years after birth never fully develop the parts of the brain that control emotions.

Once the damage is done, a parent can’t simply walk away from that child. A parent can’t be held blameless for how a child turns out. The law does not find someone innocent whose defense is ignorance of the law. The same is true with raising children. It is the parents responsibility to provide a loving and nurturing environment for their children. For all of their children and not to their favorites. It is the parents responsibility to learn what is required to properly raise a child.

I can speak this way because I grew up in an environment where children were seen as objects. Children were a means for parents to better themselves. More children increased their chances for being taken care of in their old age. Attention was given to the children who showed the most promise.

It is difficult for a anyone to grow up normal in this type of environment. For children who require special care due to mental illness, this type of environment is dangerous.

As an adult, I have walked away from those who gave birth to me and raised me, no longer acknowledging their existence. They are not blameless, nor should they be.

Writing my biography caused me to question if it was time for forgiveness. It is not. Maybe if this was done to me alone I might, but they had ten children, most of whom carry scars to this day.

For those who care to learn more, you can read my story in Coming to Astoria: An Immigrants Tale. If after reading it you think it was a mistake to call myself parent-less, while one of them is still living, I would grateful if you share your thoughts with me.

Too often the parents are looked at as victims, when it is they who should be held accountable.

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” Albert Einstein

How you perform as you approach adulthood is directly the result of how you are raised, from the moment you are conceived. If your brain is stimulated as an infant, as a child, you will be more intelligent as an adult.

When you read fairy tales to your children, you are stimulating their brains. You are interacting with their minds, making them think and dream wonderful thoughts. The more you read to them, the harder their brains will work, as they think about those wonderful characters that have suddenly became part of their life.

It isn’t the words themselves which make the children more intelligent, but what those words do to a child’s brain, a brain that is still developing. Read fairy tales to them and you will stimulate their brain. Read to them a lot more and you will stimulate and their brain and their imagination even more, making them even more intelligent.

Not reading to children doesn’t make them any dumber. It just lets them develop as average kids. If you want average children, then don’t read to them. They will develop as average adults with no imagination.

The same thing happens to children who are shown plenty of love from the day they are conceived. You stimulate the part of the brain which controls emotions. As you hug, kiss and cuddle a child, you stimulate their senses and brain tenfold.

When you do both, read many fairy tales, and show plenty of love, your children will grow up to be extremely intelligent, caring, nurturing, praiseworthy and happy adults.

The best time to start doing all this is not when they can understand what you say, but when you know you will have a child in nine months. It is never too early to begin teaching your child the values which you hold dear, and to make sure they are more intelligent and  caring than anyone else.

So if you ask yourself why your grown children got average grades in school and landed average paying jobs, think back on what you did when they were little babies. How many fairy tales did you read to them back then?

Feeling down? Let the magic found in a child lift you.

“Look at the children around you and you will find the magic curtain, magic indeed in this respect, that instead of dropping slowly down before your wondering eyes, it is growing up, unfolding and expanding some new beauty or exposing some well-remembered fault. What pleasure to note the many wonders of this all-revealing scene! What innocence in the sweet child face, what purity in the clear child eyes!” Nellie V. Anderson

Children are our future. How anyone can not look at a child and be moved is beyond comprehension. When you look at a happy, excitable child you see magic in their eyes. Too see real beauty, gaze into the face of an innocent child. Children still have that single quality which seems to evade many adults: the belief that anything is possible.

Look into the eyes of your own child. How can you not be moved? Gaze into their eyes and you’ll catch the glimmers of innocence, which seem to think that anything is possible.

Look at your children as they sleep. Do you not see yourself? Do you not see potential? Do you not see yourself starting over?

Watch your children as they play. Are you not transported back to an earlier time when you were as carefree and happy? For a few fleeting  moments, don’t all of the worlds problems magically disappear?

Hug your child and feel the magic that passes between the two of you. Close your eyes and feel their love filled arms embracing you with all their might. Can’t you see the future? Isn’t it a view of yourself twenty or thirty years from now, happy and content?

Gaze into their eyes while they’re still holding you and you’ll see what true love really is.

Now take all of those feelings and remember them any time your feeling down, or that the weight of the world is too much to bear. A child is your miracle contribution to humanity. When you reflect on the feelings a child inspires within you, there is nothing you won’t do to ensure that child gets every opportunity that you missed out on.

If you don’t have a child of your own, you are missing out on one of the greatest miracles on Earth. It doesn’t matter if it is not your biological child. It doesn’t matter if the child is adopted, a grandchild, or your best friends. What matters most is how that child is loved and raised in order for the magic to show.