Parents are responsible for how their children turn out

“Blame or credit, does not belong to the child alone. Parents, those who raised the child, must be given equal credit, or blame. That does not change, when the child is one, twenty or ninety years old.” Omar Kiam

How a person develops as an adult is directly tied to how that person is raised. It is not enough to simply give birth, feed and clothe a child. What a parent does and says have a direct impact on how a child develops, just as much as what is not said or done.

Studies have shown that children who are not held and shown love within the first two years after birth never fully develop the parts of the brain that control emotions.

Once the damage is done, a parent can’t simply walk away from that child. A parent can’t be held blameless for how a child turns out. The law does not find someone innocent whose defense is ignorance of the law. The same is true with raising children. It is the parents responsibility to provide a loving and nurturing environment for their children. For all of their children and not to their favorites. It is the parents responsibility to learn what is required to properly raise a child.

I can speak this way because I grew up in an environment where children were seen as objects. Children were a means for parents to better themselves. More children increased their chances for being taken care of in their old age. Attention was given to the children who showed the most promise.

It is difficult for a anyone to grow up normal in this type of environment. For children who require special care due to mental illness, this type of environment is dangerous.

As an adult, I have walked away from those who gave birth to me and raised me, no longer acknowledging their existence. They are not blameless, nor should they be.

Writing my biography caused me to question if it was time for forgiveness. It is not. Maybe if this was done to me alone I might, but they had ten children, most of whom carry scars to this day.

For those who care to learn more, you can read my story in Coming to Astoria: An Immigrants Tale. If after reading it you think it was a mistake to call myself parent-less, while one of them is still living, I would grateful if you share your thoughts with me.

Too often the parents are looked at as victims, when it is they who should be held accountable.

The parent, not genes, is responsible for how a teenager is

“I have also seen children successfully surmounting the effects of an evil inheritance. That is due to purity being an inherent attribute of the soul.” Mahatma Gandhi

No one is born evil, or good for that matter, just because their parents or ancestors were that way.

A baby is born pure, balanced, with no pre-disposition to do what others in his or her blood line have done before. It’s not what has happened in the past which determines how a child will grow, but what happens at present that matters most.

The first two years of a babies life are the most crucial. That is when the brain is beginning to develop. Shower the baby with love and attention, and the parts of the brain relating to love and emotions will begin to develop more.

Babies which are given plenty of love and attention within the first two years of life, are more likely to grow to become loving and caring individuals.

Babies that are not held, not shown love, and not given any attention during the first two years, never fully develop that part of the brain. They are more likely to grow up to become unfeeling, emotionless adults.

It’s the babies environment and upbringing which determines the type of character the baby will have as an adult. To try teaching love and morals when the child is a teenager, or grown adult is much too late. A parent has to begin showing a baby the traits they want the child to inherit while the brain is forming, within the first two years of life. The parent then has to keep re-enforcing these traits as the child grows. This duty of a parent never goes away. It doesn’t go away when the child is fully grown and moves out. A parent  becomes free of this duty only upon death. If at all possible, it may not even end there.

Parents cannot be held blameless for the actions of their children, if they didn’t shower them with love and affection during the most crucial years of life. A parent can’t say they don’t know why their grown son or daughter are evil, if they never showed them any love when they were born, and as they grew.

To ignore a baby, to only give it the basic necessities for survival, ought to be a crime. Parenting is more than just bringing a baby into the world. The character of the baby is directly influenced by what the parents do or don’t do. An adult who is prone to evil wasn’t born that way. An adult prone to evil was ignored as a baby, never shown any love or affection.

What parents do or don’t do directly impacts which parts of the babies brain develop more.  This is one of the reasons middle children are different than first or last born siblings. Depending on the household, either first born or last born children would get the greatest amount of love and affection during the crucial years. Those children usually grow up being the most balanced and with the best traits.

To raise a person of morals and good character, begin when the baby is born. Impart the traits you want the baby to inherit by doing them repeatedly and consistently. If you want the teenager to hug you, hug the baby. If you want the teenager to love you, love the baby. If you want the teenager to talk to you, talk to the baby. The teenager will be a reflection of you, the way you acted when the teenager was a baby.