Be yourself, Find yourself, Know yourself …
Quotes relating to ‘self’ are among those which get used for the wrong reasons. They get used by some as a cover to hide their true intentions. They get used by others to sidestep reality, to avoid taking responsibility for themselves, those around them and their actions.
When someone says “I need a little time or space to find myself”, what they’re really saying is they want to see if they can do better than you. If they find someone better, they won’t find their way back to you. If they don’t find anyone else who’ll believe their lies, you will find them knocking, saying “we belong together…”. The wise thing to do is to give them more time, like the rest of their life, to find their self by keeping the door locked.
When they say ‘I must be true to myself” or “This is who I am, accept me or leave me”, it means they are not willing to change for you. They don’t love you enough to compromise or make any sacrifices for you. The wise move here is to leave them, to let them be ‘who they are’ in the streets, where they’ll find plenty of others unwilling to change.
Those who say to their partner that they need space to find themselves are liars. What they are really saying is they think they can do better than you. Those who must be true to themselves don’t love you enough to compromise, or they love themselves more. In a burning house, they would be the first ones to leave, yelling at others to go save those left inside.
Who we are is not the end all. Sometimes we need to change to achieve the goals we’ve set for ourselves. If you haven’t set goals for yourself, don’t even try finding yourself, you’ll be looking forever. Finding who we are means we’re willing to learn as much as possible, to explore different things, and changing as the world around us evolves. Being stubborn, unwilling to change, means we’re not willing to learn, to grow. Also keep in mind, that not everyone needs to ‘find who they are’. There are many people who don’t ‘find their self’, yet live very contented lives. In the words of Napoleon, ‘it is sometimes better to abandon one’s self to destiny’.
And finally, for those who must be true to themselves, who are unwilling to share, change or compromise, there is always business school and life as an executive, as George Bernard Shaw so aptly pointed out: “Capitalism has destroyed our belief in any effective power but that of self interest backed by force.”
Omar M. Kiam 