“Self pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.” John Gardner
Recent conversation:
“Why do you drink”
“Because sometimes my life sucks and it makes me feel good”
“Why does it suck?”
“Because Dave ruined our plans”
When you say your life sucks, you’re giving in to self pity. You’re finding temporary pleasure in the belief that your predicament is the fault of someone else.
When you take a drink or get high because it makes you feel good and lets you forget for a little while how badly your life sucks, you’re wallowing in self pity.
Self pity is a destructive and addictive euphoria. It’s so easy to let self pity engulf every last bit of hurt within you until you feel nothing but pleasure. Sometimes drinking or getting high helps bring on these feelings even quicker.
When you wallow in self pity, you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that you’re unhappy with your life as it is, and that there’s nothing you can do to change it.
But self pity feels so good. It let’s you put all of the blame for what ails you onto others. At the beginning there may even be someone else with you, with the same feelings of defeat. Getting high off of each others self pity is like a cocaine high.
The most destructive aspect of self pity is that your thought processes stop cold. You’re incapable of looking for solutions to the reasons why your life sucks. In your mind, the fault lies with those around you, so there is no solution.
Thinking back on why your life sucks, if the answers begin with ‘he’ or ‘she’, you’ve found the source of your problem. You’re letting others control your life. You should NEVER EVER let someone else control your destiny. If something someone else is doing is having a negative affect on your life, on your dreams or your happiness, that’s your fault. You control your own life, and if what they’re doing is having a negative impact on you, it’s up to you to find a solution.
“But my life would have been perfect if he only did this one thing.” You have to accept the fact that throughout your entire life, others will do things that ruin your plans. You can either wallow in self pity your entire life, or accept the fact that these things will happen. Once you accept that fact, you can begin looking for solutions, for ways to make your life perfect even if he didn’t do that one thing.
You control your destiny. You can make of your life whatever you set your mind to. If someone stands in your way, get that person out of the picture. Don’t dwell on it, but act and act quickly. When you blame someone else, you’re saying that they are in control of your life and that you’re helpless to do anything about it. You are accepting defeat.
As long as you have a mind which you can control, your abilities are limitless. Your mind can work miracles. When faced with problems, your thoughts should include ‘I’ or ‘Me’. What can I do to fix this? It is up to me to fix things.
Wallowing in self pity is a copout. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your butt and do something to make your life better. This may come as a surprise, but no one else is going to feel sorry for you, or do things to make your life better. In fact, quite the opposite, most people will try to make sure your fail, so they can feel better about their own failures.
Stop blaming others for your failures. That’s another copout. It’s easy to say you failed because of someone else. The truth of the matter is that you failed because of your own inaction. Don’t put yourself in a position to be controlled by what someone else does or doesn’t do. If they don’t do what they are supposed to, move on, don’t wait forever. They will do what’s best for them, not what’s best for you. If you want to be happy, take control of your life and your environment.
Get off of your butt and do something! You’ll get an even better high when you succeed!
Omar M. Kiam 